The Porch, Dec. 13

SCANNING: In years past we’ve published “a scanner year” – entertaining excerpts from what we heard over the dispatch communications device in our office – and while we did not get it together in 2014 to compile such a list, one item overheard on Dec. 9 was funny in itself: the words of the officer were, in full and verbatim: “An inquisitive toddler.”

Safe to presume it was the classic three-year-old’s 9-1-1 call?

SEEN AND HEARD: Woman riding bike and carrying a holiday wreath on the handlebars … benches, stop signs and lines, plantings, and new sidewalks on State Street … a first-grader telling Santa on his Rotary visit, “I met all your reindeer last year.”

BUMPER CROP: “I Love it Here” reads the sticker on the bumper of a pickup seen in Hood River. The canopy contained a large decal of North and South America. And is this the counterpoint to another, puzzling, bumper sticker you see around here: “Don’t Hassle Me. I’m A Local.” The I Love It Here guy can display his sticker anywhere from Fairbanks to Tierra del Fuego – the Hassled Local should cover his sticker up once he leaves the county.

The Porch should be a bit more frequent in 2015. Lately editor Kirby Neumann-Rea just hasn’t had the time, what with all those Hawaiian vacations.


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